Alan Rhodes

Midnight Musings

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Being a tormented artistic type, I’m prone to insomnia. On sleepless nights I ponder philosophical issues and write in my journal. During the day I’m so sleep-deprived that I can’t focus sufficiently to produce a column, so when this happens I publish the only thing I’ve got: journal entries. Here are last night’s mental perambulations.

1:12am I shouldn’t browse the internet before bedtime. I’m fuming about a story I just read from the Economic Policy Institute. A working guy here in Bellingham making $25,000 a year pays 12 percent in state and local taxes, while someone making $250,000 pays 3.9 percent. Countries have revolutions over this sort of thing. We should be in the streets with torches and pitchforks. I’m up for it, but I don’t have a torch. I have a flashlight. And I don’t have a pitchfork. A snow shovel is the closest I can come. Well, you work with what you’ve got. Grab your flashlights and snow shovels, comrades, and let’s bring the system down!

1:27am Can’t sleep. Now I’m thinking about the big quake that’s going to hit the Northwest. If the roads are destroyed, essential supplies can’t get through. Restaurants without Sriracha sauce! Espresso bars without coffee! Trader Joe’s emptied of dark chocolate peanut butter cups! I can’t live under those circumstances.

1:39am I must have drifted off. I had a weird dream that was like that classic Luis Bunuel film The Exterminating Angel, where a strange force keeps guests from leaving the house after a dinner party. In my dream I was at Bellingham International Airport and the only airline running was Allegiant. We’d get on the plane and then have to turn back for emergency repairs. It kept happening over and over. Come to think of it, that sounds like Allegiant’s normal operations.

2:01am My grandmother always said that no matter how bad someone is, you can always find at least one nice thing to say about them. I should test that. Charles Manson? OK, he was a pretty good guitarist. Joseph Stalin? Well, he kept his mustache well-groomed. Donald Trump? Donald Trump…. Donald Trump. I guess even Granny was wrong some of the time.

2:18am I think I’m culturally illiterate. I have no idea who the Kardashians are, what they do, or how many of them there might be. I don’t even know why I know there’s something called the Kardashians. Kardashians sounds like the name of an Armenian restaurant. Man, I could really go for a big bowl of Brndzapour right now.

2:32am I’ll be darned, I dozed off again. This time I had a horrible nightmare. I dreamed that Eric Bostrom, Bellingham’s hate-spewing street preacher, was running for county council. Oh, wait, that’s actually true, he is. It’s his third try for an office. It’s like those horror movies where you think the mad slasher is dead at the end of the film but he keeps coming back in the sequels.

2:46am I read somewhere that there are people here who don’t like being referred to as Bellinghamsters or just Hamsters. They think it’s undignified. People who don’t understand how transcendently cool it is to be a Hamster shouldn’t be allowed to live here. That may sound harsh, but it’s a matter of principle.

3:02am I’m wide awake again—but excited. I’ve figured out how to get Doug Ericksen out of the state senate. Doug’s in a safe district where he gets reelected just because he has an “R” after his name. So let’s appeal to his laziness and pay him off. Doug turned down a six-figure job with the EPA when they told him he actually had to show up at the Seattle office and work. He seems content with his $46,000-a-year job in the state senate, where he doesn’t have to do very much. Let’s pay him $60,000 to stay home. Of the 231,000 people in Whatcom County there must be 1,200 of us who will chip in $50 annually to keep Doug home. I’m in for $50. Heck, I’ll go a hundred. Maybe two.

3:23am I have to get some sleep. My Parcheesi Club has a breakfast meeting this morning to discuss strategy for our upcoming tournament with the Sedro-Woolley team, and those guys are animals. I’ll try my old standby, watching recorded Planning Commission meetings on BTV 10.

Ah, yes, getting groggy already. Roll out some more charts and statistics, I’m ready to catch some zzzs.

Sugar Ray
Past Columns
Bellingham 2050

February 13, 2019

Looking Backward

January 2, 2019

Joy to the World

December 19, 2018

A Second Spring

October 3, 2018

Dog Days Deliberations

September 12, 2018

Mr. Cranky’s Files

July 11, 2018

Can We Talk?

June 20, 2018

April Fools

April 4, 2018

Rollo and Me

March 7, 2018

Egregious linguistic offenses

February 14, 2018

Sharing Beauty

December 13, 2017

Subdued City Shakespeare

October 25, 2017

Events
Today
Cascadia Weekly's Fiction 101 Contest

10:00am

A Forest of Words Poetry Competition

11:30am|Whatcom County

The Imaginary Invalid

7:30pm|DUG Theater

Birding Adventures

9:00am|Skagit Valley

My Circus Valentine

6:00pm|Cirque Lab

Almost, Maine

7:30pm|Bellingham Theatre Guild

Cupid's Arrow

7:30pm|Upfront Theatre

Shakespeare in Love

7:30pm|Anacortes Community Theatre

West Side Story

7:30pm|Lincoln Theatre

Our Town

7:30pm|Claire vg Thomas Theatre

No PDA allowed

10:00am

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

One-Act Plays at BAAY

7:00pm|BAAY Theatre

Always...Patsy Cline

7:00pm|Conway Muse

Serial Killers, Episode 3

7:30pm|Sylvia Center for the Arts

Winter Swanrise Valentine's Celebration

7:00am|Barney Lake

Pancake Breakfast

8:00am|Ferndale Senior Center

Celtic Arts Dance Championship

9:00am|Whatcom Community College

Caring for your Roses

9:00am|Garden Spot Nursery

Winter Farmers Market

10:00am|Depot Market Square

Be Mindful of Minds Panel Discussion

10:00am|Bellingham Unitarian Fellowship

Correspondence Club

10:30am|Mindport Exhibits

Let's Make Mozzarella and Burrata!

11:00am|Community Food Co-op

Growing Giant Vegetables

11:00am|Christianson's Nursery

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

Tax Help Available

12:30pm|First Congregational Church

Native Plants and Birds

2:00pm|Lynden Library

Era of the Megafires

2:00pm|Ferndale Library

Love is in the Air Story Share

3:00pm|North Fork Library

Artist Talk with Margy Lavelle

4:00pm|i.e. gallery

Fighter in Velvet Gloves

7:00pm|Village Books

Los Vivancos presents "Born to Dance"

7:30pm|Mount Baker Theatre

Kinky Boots
Tomorrow
Birding Adventures

9:00am|Skagit Valley

My Circus Valentine

6:00pm|Cirque Lab

Shakespeare in Love

7:30pm|Anacortes Community Theatre

Our Town

7:30pm|Claire vg Thomas Theatre

West Side Story

7:30pm|Lincoln Theatre

Almost, Maine

7:30pm|Bellingham Theatre Guild

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

One-Act Plays at BAAY

7:00pm|BAAY Theatre

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

Sedro-Woolley Breakfast

8:00am|American Legion Post #43

Rabbit Ride

8:30am|Fairhaven Bicycle

Langar in Lynden

11:00am| Guru Nanak Gursikh Gurdwara

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

Do It Yourself Publishing

12:00pm|BRUNA Press

History Tour

12:30pm|Whatcom Museum's Old City Hall

Bellingham's Got Talent

1:00pm|Mount Baker Theatre

Girsky Quartet

3:00pm|First Congregational Church

Blue Water women

4:00pm|Village Books

Sprite Night

7:00pm|Upfront Theatre

Village Books Trove Web
Monday
Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

Community Soup Kitchen

6:00pm|Little Cheerful Cafe

Bite of Blaine

6:00pm|Semiahmoo Resort

Seasonal Fermentation

6:30pm|Community Food Co-op

Poetrynight

7:00pm|Alternative Library

Guffawingham

9:00pm|Firefly Lounge

see our complete calendar »

Village Books Trove Web Cascadia Weekly Subscribe Ad 1 Kinky Boots MacMaster and Leahy