Alan Rhodes

Mr. Cranky Plans His Year

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

Here we are in a brand new year. I just filled in my 2020 daily planner, noting the holidays and celebrations I want to either celebrate or boycott. I’ve listed a few below. All of these are actual events. If you have doubts about the existence of any of them, Google it, ye of little faith.

Opposite Day, January 25. Originally evolved from a children’s game, on this day you do everything just the opposite of what you would normally do. This year I’ll be writing a lavishly complimentary letter to State Senator Doug Ericksen, spending the day at Bellis Fair Mall, wearing a MAGA hat, and eating all meals at Sadighi’s.

Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day, February 1. About 60 years ago Florence Rappaport of Rochester, New York founded this important tradition. Thanks, Florence, you are a great American. OK, Mallard Ice Cream, get those doors open by 7:00am and have the coffee brewing. Here’s hoping you’ll have my three favorite flavors of breakfast ice cream: turmeric, black sesame and jalapeno.

Proofreading Day, March 8. Rather obviously, this is a day to sharpen up our proofreading skills so we don’t let careless errors find their way into our writing. I think this is a very goon idea.

Audubon Day, April 14. Seriously for a moment (only a moment, I promise), this Audubon Day I would like to be celebrating a victory: news that the City of Bellingham has purchased the land adjacent to the Post Point Heron Colony so this local treasure will never be endangered by development. Come on, City, get it done.

Sunscreen Day, May 27. The aim of this day is to encourage the rigorous use of sunscreen to reduce chances of skin cancer. I don’t know who started it, but it probably wasn’t anyone from the Pacific Northwest. Given the amount of rainfall around here, I still haven’t used up the tube I bought in 1998.

Daylight Appreciation Day, June 21. We are encouraged on Daylight Appreciation Day to, well, appreciate daylight. It was started by Solatube, a company that makes solar lighting tubes. I don’t celebrate holidays founded by commercial enterprises. I’ll stay in the basement that day in protest. Besides, June 21 falls on the weekend. It will be raining.

Clerihew Day, July 10. Ah, one of my favorites, commemorating the birthday of Edmund Clarihew Bently, creator of the Clarihew, a four-line (AABB) poem that pokes fun at a well-known person. I’m already composing poems for my annual Clarihew party. For example…
Eyman wants to be Governor Tim,
A prospect exceedingly grim,
His quest is certain to fail,
And by that time he could be in jail.

International Beer Day, August 7. It seems like this should be a high holy day in Bellingham, where microbreweries are popping up so fast that one day they may exceed espresso bars and pot stores. I admire a city that respects the essentials of life.

National Clean Up Day, September 19. This day is all about beautifying the country by picking up litter and trash. I would like to expand its scope to include demolishing really ugly buildings. For openers I nominate Seattle’s Museum of Popular Culture. Here in town my first choice is the Eagles lodge on Forest Street.

World Smile Day, October 2. The purpose of this day is to spread joy and put smiles on people’s faces wherever you go. That’s a lovely idea, but there’s a problem. This observance was the brain child of Harvey Ball, creator of the Smiley Face, that insipid little yellow circle with the black dots for eyes and the stupid, annoying smile. I hate the Smiley Face. I hate Harvey Ball for creating the Smiley Face. I make it a point to look grumpy on this day and wear a Frowny Face button.

Presidential Election Day, November 3. By mid-evening on this momentous day, I hope to be celebrating the fact that a vast majority of American voters decided that it was not a good idea to reelect a mean-spirited, vile, ignorant, dangerous, bigoted, sociopathic lout.

Christmas, December 25 (like you didn’t know). I love the Christmas season. As an agnostic I can enjoy all the festivities without feeling guilty about not going to church.
Whoops, I’m almost out of space and haven’t even gotten to Grilled Cheese Day, Lost Sock Memorial Day, Squirrel Appreciation Day, or International Dog Biscuit Day. So many celebrations, so little time.

Alan Rhodes can be reached at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Past Columns
Year-End Housecleaning

December 25, 2019

The Lilliputian Gazette

November 20, 2019

Election Elucidations

October 15, 2019

Buying Sedro-Woolley

September 4, 2019

Rescued by Rachmaninoff

July 17, 2019

Hurrahs and Harangues

May 8, 2019

Ranting and Raving

March 6, 2019

Bellingham 2050

February 13, 2019

Looking Backward

January 2, 2019

Joy to the World

December 19, 2018

A Second Spring

October 3, 2018

Dog Days Deliberations

September 12, 2018

Mr. Cranky’s Files

July 11, 2018

Can We Talk?

June 20, 2018

Midnight Musings

May 16, 2018

April Fools

April 4, 2018

Events
Today
A Forest of Words Poetry Competition

10:00am|Whatcom County

Wild Things

9:30am|Lake Padden Park

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

Books and Bites

1:00pm|Blaine Library

Winter Herbal Tonics Class

5:30pm|Chuckanut Center

Family Story Night

6:00pm|Fairhaven Library

Paddling With Spirits

6:00pm

Stand in the Corner

7:00pm|Bow Corner Pub

Beauty and the Beast

7:00pm|BAAY Theater

Tanya Tomkins and Tamara Friedman

7:00pm|Croatian Cultural Center

The Curious Savage

7:00pm|Alger Community Church

Contest of Crowns

7:30pm|ACT Annex

Sweet Honey in the Rock

7:30pm|Mount Baker Theatre

Singing truth to power

7:30pm

Space Trek

7:30pm|Upfront Theatre

The Revolutionists

7:30pm|Sylvia Center for the Arts

Tomorrow
A Forest of Words Poetry Competition

10:00am|Whatcom County

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

Paddling With Spirits

6:00pm

Beauty and the Beast

7:00pm|BAAY Theater

The Curious Savage

7:00pm|Alger Community Church

Contest of Crowns

7:30pm|ACT Annex

The Revolutionists

7:30pm|Sylvia Center for the Arts

Space Trek

7:30pm|Upfront Theatre

Pancake Breakfast

8:00am|Ferndale Senior Center

Martin Luther King, Jr. Human Rights Conference

8:30am|Whatcom Community College

WNPS Field Trip

9:00am|Larrabee Park

Winter Farmers Market

10:00am|Depot Market Square

Gluten- and Dairy-Free Cooking

10:00am|Blaine Library

Skagit Eagle Festival

10:00am

Your Life is a Story Writers Group

10:30am|South Whatcom Library

Propagating Perennials

11:00am|Christianson's Nursery

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

Womxn's March

11:00am|Bellingham City Hall

Seed Swap, Barter Fair and Skillshare

12:00pm|Bellingham Unitarian Fellowship

Camera Unobscura Workshop

1:00pm|Whatcom Museum's Lightcatcher Building

Bird Smarts

2:00pm|Everson Library

Discovering Sherry Tasting

2:00pm| Seifert & Jones Wine Merchants

More than a label

2:00pm

Rising Above the Pain

4:00pm|Village Books

Sunrise Night of Music

6:00pm|Maple Hall

Blue Abode Comedy Showcase

7:00pm|Blue Abode Bar

Whatcom Wind Ensemble Winter Concert

7:00pm|Performing Arts Center Concert Hall

Patsy Cline Tribute Concert

7:00pm|Magnolia Grill Hall

Hot Club of Troy

7:00pm|Walton Theatre

Space Trek

7:30pm|Upfront Theatre

Salsa Night

9:30pm|Cafe Rumba

Sunday
A Forest of Words Poetry Competition

10:00am|Whatcom County

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

The Curious Savage

7:00pm|Alger Community Church

Beauty and the Beast

7:00pm|BAAY Theater

Skagit Eagle Festival

10:00am

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

Space Trek

7:30pm|Upfront Theatre

Sedro-Woolley Community Breakfast

8:00am|American Legion Post #43

Skagit Eagle Festival

10:00am

Deep Forest Experience

11:00am|Rockport State Park

Langar in Lynden

11:00am| Guru Nanak Gursikh Gurdwara

Birding for Kids

2:30pm

An American in Paris

7:30pm

An American in Paris

7:30pm|Mount Baker Theatre

see our complete calendar »