Alan Rhodes

COVID and Craziness

Wednesday, February 17, 2021

Friday, Jan. 1. A new year and some good news: As of today the state minimum wage increases from $13.50 an hour to $13.69. And some bad news: Bellingham is one of the top ten least affordable midsize cities in the entire country. If you’re thinking about house hunting, that extra 19 cents probably isn’t going very far.

Monday, Jan. 4. Gee, how did I miss out? Yesterday was the “Day of Defiance” (aka super-spreader Sunday) across much of the state. Participating restaurants opened their doors and packed in customers as a protest against silly coronavirus restrictions. I wonder if back during the London Blitz there was a “Night of Defiance” in which people opened the curtains and turned on all the lights in protest against the government’s draconian blackout rules?

Wednesday, Jan. 6. Stared at the television most of the day as a Trump-inspired mob of dupes, dullards and dirtbags sacked the United States Capitol. Back in 2016 Hillary Clinton took a lot of heat for saying that many of Donald Trump’s supporters belonged in a “basket of deplorables.” Hillary’s only mistake? She underestimated the size of the basket.

Thursday, Jan. 7. The state capitol building in Olympia has been closed to the public lately. They say it’s to slow the spread of coronavirus, but they aren’t fooling state senator Doug Ericksen (R-Kampuchea). “Democrats are using the cloak of COVID,” Doug explained to the naive, “to block the public from participating…while they try to advance the most radical agenda in state history.” Aha! Doug’s caught on to those sneaky Democrats. Darn it, as a progressive I was hoping they would get away with it and accomplish some of our agenda—establishing a Marxist-Leninist nanny state, taking away everybody’s guns, and adding Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s face to Mt. Rushmore.

Thursday, Jan. 14. Poor Loren Culp, not only did a rigged election rob him of his win in November’s gubernatorial race, but now he can’t get redress for this outrage. Loren was suing Secretary of State Kim Wyman for her part in this election steal, but today had to drop the suit. Someone explained to him that if you file a frivolous lawsuit that gets tossed out of court, you can be liable for the state’s legal expenses. Alas, where can a patriot get justice these days?

Wednesday, Jan. 20. Joe Biden was sworn in as president today in a city that looks like an occupied war zone, thanks to the insanity of his predecessor. Earlier in the day, Donald Trump threw a little going-away party for himself, then flew off to Mar-A-Lago to the annoyance of his neighbors who have been pursuing legal means to keep him out of the neighborhood. Can’t blame them; I wouldn’t want Donald Trump living next door. I’m getting an idea for a movie. A nice couple buys a house on a seemingly pleasant suburban street, only to discover that their new neighbors include Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Marjorie Taylor Greene and a group home for the Proud Boys.

Friday, Jan. 22. Liberty is back—the state that is. The idea has been bouncing around among conservatives for decades now—split Washington state in half, make a 51st state out of Eastern Washington and name it Liberty (pronounced “LIBERTY!!!”). Republican state representatives Bob McCaslin and Rob Chase have revived the idea as House Bill 1239. Uh, Bob and Rob, you might want to rethink this. The eastern half of the state is heavily subsidized by the more affluent western half. One feature of life in Liberty could be a 33 percent jump in taxes just to maintain current services. How’s that going to go over in your new red state?

Friday, Jan. 29. I just watched a CNN special on QAnon. I already knew from reading about this group that they think Democrats are Satan-worshipping pedophiles. Well, heck, everybody knows that. I didn’t realize, however, that Democrats also murder babies and drink their blood. I wonder if anyone manufactures soy babies’ blood for vegan Democrats?

Sunday, Jan. 31. Well, the first month of 2021 is about over. There were some pretty crazy and scary moments, but we got through it. I’m not sure I could have survived it as easily if it hadn’t been for Randy Rainbow videos, Alter Eco Super Blackout chocolate bars, and nightly binge watching of Schitt’s Creek.

Alan Rhodes can be reached at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)